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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Reader's Diary #37- Margaret Atwood: Selected Poems II (up to "A Women's Issue")


I've discovered two shocking truths about Margaret Atwood:
1. She's a werewolf.
2. She likes to pop balloons at children's birthday parties.
Allow me to present my evidence.

Margaret Atwood is a werewolf. Only a werewolf could possibly be this preoccupied with the moon.

Exhibit A: "Outside, the moon is fossil..." - from "The Bus To Alliston, Ontario"

Exhibit B: "...the moon's last quarter..." - from "The Red Shirt"

Exhibit C: "...with its beige moon as damp as a mushroom..." - from "Night Poem"

Exhibit D: "...this is an O/ or a moon..." - from "You Begin"

Exhibit E: "a moon, crumpled papers, a coin..." - from "True Stories"

Exhibit F: "...in and out with the moon." - from "Landcrab II"

And while you can probably find as many poems in this collection with "sun" and "stars" references I believe these to be cover-ups for her werewolfishness (So Scott Thompson, I suggest you keep a silver bullet handy)- and plus, I thought calling her a "werewolf" would be funnier than calling her an "astronomer".

Margaret Atwood likes to pop balloons at children's birthday parties. Okay, I lack as much evidence for this one. But I'll act as witness and prosecutor in my first ever bad script for a stupid courtroom drama:

Prosecutor: You say Madge (points to a picture of Ms. Atwood- not Madonna) likes to pop balloons, you've actually witnessed this?

Witness: Well, no but I believe she's capable.

Prosecutor: That's a pretty shocking claim, do you have something to base this assumption on?

Witness: Yes. A dream.

Defense Attorney: Objection your honour! This can hardly be permitted as proof!

Judge: For the sake of the bad script for a stupid courtroom drama, I'm going to allow it.

Prosecutor: A dream? Yours or hers?

Witness: A poem of hers about a dream- "Flying Inside Your Own Body".

Prosecutor: Ah yes, that poem. Would you be so kind as to read the first verse?

Witness proceeds to recite the first verse.

Prosecutor: Nothing bad about that. How do you feel about this verse?

Witness: I was pleasantly taken aback.

Prosecutor: How so?

Witness: Well, most of these poems weren't exactly cheerful- I wasn't expecting something so hopeful and well, uplifting.

Prosecutor: Okay, so now could you read the second verse for the jury?

Witness proceeds to recite the second verse and breaks down into tears at the end.

Prosecutor: Wow, that does sound like someone who'd pop a child's balloon.

Defense Attorney: Objection your honour!

....

Okay, so now that I've wasted your time with a bad script of a stupid courtroom drama, I'll conclude by adding that "Night Poem" is a great poem for Halloween- worthy of Poe. And "A Red Shirt" is pleasant- it seems to be mocking herself for dwelling on the gloom- and this is a great respite from the rest of the collection.

3 comments:

Robert said...

Don't forget The Animals in That Country. In that poem she suggests that animals have human faces and even goes so far as to claim a knowledge of wolf conversation.

I smell a thesis in this somewhere.

John Mutford said...

I smell something.

Robert said...

Yeah? That's what most thesis smell like.