Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Reader's Diary #37- Margaret Atwood: Selected Poems II (up to "A Women's Issue")

I've discovered two shocking truths about Margaret Atwood:
1. She's a werewolf.
2. She likes to pop balloons at children's birthday parties.
Allow me to present my evidence.

Margaret Atwood is a werewolf. Only a werewolf could possibly be this preoccupied with the moon.

Exhibit A: "Outside, the moon is fossil..." - from "The Bus To Alliston, Ontario"

Exhibit B: "...the moon's last quarter..." - from "The Red Shirt"

Exhibit C: "...with its beige moon as damp as a mushroom..." - from "Night Poem"

Exhibit D: "...this is an O/ or a moon..." - from "You Begin"

Exhibit E: "a moon, crumpled papers, a coin..." - from "True Stories"

Exhibit F: " and out with the moon." - from "Landcrab II"

And while you can probably find as many poems in this collection with "sun" and "stars" references I believe these to be cover-ups for her werewolfishness (So Scott Thompson, I suggest you keep a silver bullet handy)- and plus, I thought calling her a "werewolf" would be funnier than calling her an "astronomer".

Margaret Atwood likes to pop balloons at children's birthday parties. Okay, I lack as much evidence for this one. But I'll act as witness and prosecutor in my first ever bad script for a stupid courtroom drama:

Prosecutor: You say Madge (points to a picture of Ms. Atwood- not Madonna) likes to pop balloons, you've actually witnessed this?

Witness: Well, no but I believe she's capable.

Prosecutor: That's a pretty shocking claim, do you have something to base this assumption on?

Witness: Yes. A dream.

Defense Attorney: Objection your honour! This can hardly be permitted as proof!

Judge: For the sake of the bad script for a stupid courtroom drama, I'm going to allow it.

Prosecutor: A dream? Yours or hers?

Witness: A poem of hers about a dream- "Flying Inside Your Own Body".

Prosecutor: Ah yes, that poem. Would you be so kind as to read the first verse?

Witness proceeds to recite the first verse.

Prosecutor: Nothing bad about that. How do you feel about this verse?

Witness: I was pleasantly taken aback.

Prosecutor: How so?

Witness: Well, most of these poems weren't exactly cheerful- I wasn't expecting something so hopeful and well, uplifting.

Prosecutor: Okay, so now could you read the second verse for the jury?

Witness proceeds to recite the second verse and breaks down into tears at the end.

Prosecutor: Wow, that does sound like someone who'd pop a child's balloon.

Defense Attorney: Objection your honour!


Okay, so now that I've wasted your time with a bad script of a stupid courtroom drama, I'll conclude by adding that "Night Poem" is a great poem for Halloween- worthy of Poe. And "A Red Shirt" is pleasant- it seems to be mocking herself for dwelling on the gloom- and this is a great respite from the rest of the collection.


Robert Hiscock said...

Don't forget The Animals in That Country. In that poem she suggests that animals have human faces and even goes so far as to claim a knowledge of wolf conversation.

I smell a thesis in this somewhere.

John Mutford said...

I smell something.

Robert Hiscock said...

Yeah? That's what most thesis smell like.