Thursday, September 28, 2006

Writer's Diary #7- One Small Edit For Man...

Taking a break
from my coffee
as I sip it slowly
and mourn last night's sleep
lessness.

It becomes bitter
and I have to admire
the persistently dark outlook-
so we meet halfway.

What was it
about (last night and)
a perfectly empty cup?
...................................................................................
Small change:

The line break changed in the last stanza from
"about (last night/ and) a perfectly empty cup" to "about (last night and)/a perfectly empty cup". To be honest, I couldn't remember why I had broken it the way I had, so I tried it the other way and I like the way the parentheses resemble the rim of the coffee mug thus further drawing the parallel between the empty mug and last night.

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