Monday, March 12, 2007

Writer's Diary #19: Memory/Memories (First Draft)

Reading Babstock's poems has made me want to try writing stanzas that connect more (ideas that continue over the gaps), and to pay more attention to the sounds of my words. I've also tried to write more of a narrative poem, which is not a predominate characteristic of Babstock's work. It is a first draft though and I'd like to eventually go back and work on the rhythm in particular.

Memory/Memories

If you thought down here,
under the ice was warm,
you were wrong.
Although it is serene

and though we seem to wait,
we don’t. The mud-spattered reeds
do, I suppose, resemble arms.
And the sound

of skates above is hollow,
ominous, you might say.
And further still, the voices
talk like spirits,

or voices in a dream,
or voices of thought.
They sound happy,
despite being faceless.

We question if the boy,
The one who cried
getting his skates on,
knew.

4 comments:

Allison said...

I liked that quite a bit, especially the second last stanza. I tend to favour (and write) more narrative poems, although it really depends on mood.

I really need to work on proper poetry form, I'm going to make an effort to this year. Your posts keep serving as a reminder :)

John Mutford said...

I also need to pay more attention to form. I usually write in free form but I'd like to try other, more defined forms; triolets, villanelles, and so on.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That's a pretty haunting poem, John. I keep telling myself it is from the perspective of a fish, but somehow feel it is actually spoken by a corpse under the ice.

John Mutford said...

Barbara, You can tell yourself it's fish if it helps you sleep at night.